Your divorce does not have to be a public record.
Resolve it privately. Most of what a contested divorce puts in a courthouse file, including income, business valuations, account balances and the details of a marriage, can be resolved privately instead. We often resolve cases without a lawsuit ever being filed.
Private does not mean unprepared
We prepare the case as thoroughly as we would for trial, then resolve it in private mediation or arbitration, so the terms stay between the two of you.
A lawsuit is a public event
Complaints, financial affidavits, motions and testimony are open to anyone who asks the clerk, including a business partner, a patient, a competitor or a reporter.
And it no longer takes a trip to the courthouse. North Carolina finished moving every county to electronic filing in October 2025, and court records can now be searched online by name. Case information is increasingly showing up in Google results too.
For many of our clients, that exposure costs more than the dispute itself. A professional athlete, a physician with a practice, an executive with unvested equity or an owner with investors has reasons to keep the numbers out of public view.
What can stay out of the public file
- Income, bonuses, equity awards and deferred compensation
- Business and professional practice valuations
- Account balances, real estate holdings and debts
- The terms of your property division and support
- Allegations about conduct during the marriage
Two ways to resolve a case outside the courtroom
Cases of this size rarely settle by trading letters between lawyers. They resolve in a structured process: private mediation, arbitration, or mediation first with arbitration on whatever is left.
| Private mediation | Arbitration | |
|---|---|---|
| Who decides | You and your spouse, each with your own attorney, working with a neutral mediator | A private arbitrator you both choose |
| Fits when | Both sides will disclose and negotiate, with a neutral to move the hard issues | You cannot agree and need a decision, but not a public trial |
| Ends with | A signed agreement, reached before anything is filed | A binding written award |
Private mediation
Private mediation is not the court-ordered conference that happens after a lawsuit starts. Each spouse hires their own attorney, and the two sides exchange financial documents. Then both spouses and their attorneys meet with a neutral mediator they have chosen together. We represent you throughout: we prepare the case, sit beside you at the mediation and negotiate the terms. You choose the mediator, the date and the issues on the table, and it can all happen before anything is filed.
Arbitration
Arbitration is a private trial. Under the North Carolina Family Law Arbitration Act, spouses can agree to have an arbitrator decide alimony, property division, child support and custody in place of a judge. The parties pick the arbitrator, often a senior family law attorney or a retired judge, and set the schedule and the rules. The hearing takes place in a conference room, not open court.
In arbitration there is no public docket, no gallery and no testimony in a public transcript. For couples who cannot settle but want to keep their finances private, it is often the best option available.
What does not stay private
Privacy claims in divorce are easy to overstate, so here is what a private process cannot do.
The divorce itself
Only a court can grant an absolute divorce, so a judgment will be on file. It can state that you are divorced without reciting your finances.
Anything enforced in court
If one side stops following an agreement or an award, enforcing it may require a filing. We draft with that in mind, including confidentiality terms and limits on what must be attached.
Decisions about children
Custody and child support decided in arbitration remain subject to the court’s authority to protect a child’s interests.
A private process also depends on honest disclosure. We build verification into the agreement, with sworn disclosures, document exchange and remedies if an asset surfaces later.
Who chooses a private resolution
The clients who ask for this usually have something beyond the marriage to protect. We regularly represent professional athletes and their spouses, physicians, executives and business owners, and the issues repeat.
Professional athletes and their spouses
A career measured in seasons, not decades. Guaranteed and non-guaranteed contract money, signing bonuses, endorsement income, homes and tax residency in more than one state, a travel schedule or trade that reshapes custody, and press interest in anything filed. We represent players and we represent spouses. See divorce for professional athletes.
Physicians and practice owners
Practice valuation, the line between personal and enterprise goodwill, buy-sell and partnership terms, and income that does not look like a salary. See divorce for physicians.
Executives
Restricted stock, options, deferred compensation and bonuses earned during the marriage but paid after separation. See divorce for executives.
Business owners
A valuation that partners, lenders and competitors never see, and a buyout structured so the company keeps running.
Real estate investors
Multiple properties and entities, appraisals, debt, and the tax cost of dividing or selling. See divorce for real estate owners.
Anyone whose name is known
If people know your name where you live or work, a public file follows you for years.
When private resolution is the wrong tool
It takes two people willing to disclose and to follow through. We recommend filing when a spouse is hiding or moving assets, when there is domestic violence or a serious imbalance of power, when you need an immediate court order, or when the other side simply will not engage.
Choosing a private path does not mean giving up leverage. We prepare every case as if it will be tried, and we try cases when that is what it takes.
How a private resolution works with our firm
- A confidential first meeting with an attorney. We review what is at stake, what the other side is likely to do, and whether a private path is realistic.
- A full financial picture. We collect and verify the documents, and bring in business valuators, CPAs, financial advisors and appraisers where the numbers call for it.
- Agreeing on the path. The attorneys agree to keep the case out of court, exchange documents, choose a mediator and set a date. For mediation this is usually an understanding between counsel, not a formal contract. If the case goes to arbitration, both sides sign a written arbitration agreement.
- Private mediation. We work toward a complete agreement on property, support and custody.
- Arbitration on whatever is left. If one or two issues will not settle, an arbitrator decides those and the rest of the agreement stands.
- Documents and follow-through. We draft the agreement, handle transfers, retirement orders and deeds, and obtain the divorce judgment when the time comes.
Most private resolutions conclude within about six months. The main variable is valuation. When there are substantial assets to value, the experts’ work sets the pace, and a case can run closer to a year.
The experts behind the numbers
We retain experts often in these cases. Depending on what is at stake, that can mean:
- Business valuators
- CPAs and forensic accountants
- Financial advisors
- Real estate appraisers
- Divorce coaches
Because the process is private, there is no formal discovery. Your experts work for you, and we decide with you what to share and when. None of it goes into a public file.
Who you work with
Your case is led by an attorney, not handed down a line. Our team includes Board Certified Specialists in Family Law in every office, two Certified Family Financial Mediators, and an estate and trust attorney.
Sean McIlveen and Joshua L. Finney also serve as private mediators for other families, and Sean serves as an arbitrator. When we represent you, the mediator or arbitrator is an independent neutral from outside the firm.
Your estate plan, during and after
A divorce changes who inherits, who holds your powers of attorney and who is named on your accounts. Our trust and estate attorney updates wills, beneficiary designations and powers of attorney at separation and again when the divorce is final.
We frequently recommend a trust as part of that work. A trust can keep what you leave your children out of the public probate file, control when and how they receive it, and protect assets you bring into a later marriage.
Private resolution FAQ
Can we get divorced without going to court at all?
Not entirely. North Carolina requires a year of separation and a court judgment to end the marriage. Everything else, including property, support and custody, can be resolved privately before that judgment is requested.
Do we have to wait out the year of separation before settling?
No. Most private resolutions are reached in mediation or arbitration during the separation, so the divorce itself is a short, uncontested step.
Is a private agreement as enforceable as a court order?
An agreement reached in private mediation is put in writing and signed. It is a binding contract and can be enforced in court. Some clients choose to have parts of it made a court order for stronger enforcement, which trades some privacy. We walk through that choice with you.
Is an arbitration award binding?
Yes, if you agreed to binding arbitration. A court’s review of an award is limited, with the exception that custody and child support remain open to review and later change.
Does arbitration cost more than court?
The parties pay the arbitrator, which a courtroom does not charge for. In return you get a date that holds, a decision-maker who has read the file, and usually a faster finish.
What if my spouse has already filed a lawsuit?
A filed case can still be settled or moved to arbitration by agreement. What has already been filed generally remains in the record, so the earlier you raise a private path, the more it protects.
What if my spouse will not agree to a private process?
It takes both of you. If the other side refuses, we file and litigate, and we keep looking for the point where settlement becomes possible.
How is this different from collaborative divorce?
In a collaborative divorce both sides and their lawyers commit not to go to court, and the lawyers withdraw if the process fails. Private Resolution keeps your attorney with you whichever way the case goes.
Learn more
Meet with a team near you
Start with a confidential conversation
Tell us what you need to protect. An attorney will tell you whether a private resolution is realistic for your case and what it would take.
For general information only; not legal advice.
Managing Partner and Co-Founder, McIlveen Family Law Firm. Angela is a Board Certified Specialist in Family Law, certified by the North Carolina State Bar Board of Legal Specialization, and an experienced family law trial attorney who represents clients across North Carolina. She personally reviewed this page for legal accuracy.
