Domestic Violence

Domestic Violence & Abuse Quiz

125 questions to help you recognize abusive behavior and assess your level of risk, answer at your own pace, privately.

If you are in immediate danger, call 911. This quiz is not a substitute for professional help and cannot diagnose your situation. For free, confidential support 24/7, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233, text START to 88788, or chat at thehotline.org. The “Quick Exit” button above will immediately leave this page.

Recognize Abusive Behavior

Why This Quiz Exists

Recognizing abusive behavior can be difficult, especially if healthy relationships weren’t modeled in your childhood home. You may believe that love hurts, it doesn’t, in healthy relationships. This quiz walks through the many forms abuse can take, from subtle put-downs to life-threatening violence, so you can see your relationship more clearly and decide what to do next.

Abuse can be life-threatening, and growing up in an abusive home can cause lifelong harm to children who witness it. Answer honestly about your current relationship. Your answers are not saved or sent anywhere, everything happens right here in your browser.

Section 1 of 7

Disrespectful of Your Intelligence, Appearance, or Activities

Does your partner put you down in front of other people?

Yes No

Does your partner put you down in front of your children?

Yes No

Does your partner put you down when you are alone with him or her?

Yes No

Does your partner demean your accomplishments or goals?

Yes No

Does your partner tell you that you are not good enough?

Yes No

Does your partner tell you that you’re lucky to have him or her in your life because no one else would want you?

Yes No

Does your partner criticize your appearance, including your weight?

Yes No

Does your partner tell you that parts of your body are “too big” or “too small”?

Yes No

Does your partner verbally attack you because you have not been able to conceive or father a child?

Yes No

Does your partner insult you by calling you derogatory names?

Yes No

Section 2 of 7

Is Your Partner Controlling?

Does your partner want you to provide an accounting for all your time when you are not together?

Yes No

Does your partner insist you share the details of your private conversations with friends?

Yes No

Does your partner want to know where you are every second of the day?

Yes No

Does your partner get upset if you get home late from work?

Say no if your partner is upset only because of worry for your safety.

Yes No

Does your partner attempt to limit who you talk to at work or school?

Yes No

Does your partner attempt to limit who you talk to outside of work?

Yes No

Does your partner insist that you follow rigid gender roles that you do not want to follow?

Yes No

Does your partner attempt to keep you away from friends or family?

Yes No

Does your partner insist he or she has a right to your social media and email account passwords?

Yes No

Does your partner insist that you respond right away to texts, emails, or phone calls?

Yes No

Does your partner become upset or berate you if you do not respond right away when he or she attempts to communicate electronically?

Yes No

Does your partner prevent, discourage, or make it difficult for you to go to work or school?

Yes No

Does your partner attempt to limit your interactions with people of the gender you find sexually attractive?

Yes No

Does your partner demand that you wear your hair or make-up a certain way?

Yes No

Does your partner dictate the types of clothes you can wear?

Yes No

Does your partner portray your life together as “the two of you against the world”?

Yes No

Section 3 of 7

Jealous, Controlling, or Angry Behavior

Does your partner accuse you of cheating even though you are faithful?

Yes No

Does your partner act very jealous?

Yes No

Does your partner have a quick temper?

Yes No

Do you try to be careful about how you say things because your partner’s temper explodes if he or she takes your words the wrong way?

Yes No

Is it difficult to avoid saying something that causes your partner’s temper to cause a problem?

Yes No

Does your partner control the money in your relationship?

Yes No

Do you have to ask permission to buy basic necessities even though there is plenty of money?

Yes No

Has your partner demanded that you do not make more money than he or she makes?

Yes No

Does your partner make you do things you do not want to do for money?

Yes No

Does your partner make you turn over your paycheck to him or her?

Yes No

Has your partner threatened you about gaining weight or having a baby?

Examples: “If you get pregnant, I will leave you.” “If you get fat, I will leave you.”

Yes No

Does your partner control whether you take medicine or birth control?

Yes No

Does your partner’s anger frighten you?

Yes No

Does your partner interfere with your ability to see a doctor or dentist when you feel you should, or for regular checkups?

Yes No

Will your partner become angry if you spend $100 without getting your partner’s permission first?

Yes No

Does your partner try to control what you eat?

Say no if your partner is only encouraging you to follow your doctor’s advice.

Yes No

Does your partner decide what you can and cannot wear?

Yes No

Can you buy your own clothes and choose what you want to buy because you like it and not because it is what your partner expects?

Yes No

Does your partner threaten to harm him or herself when you get in an argument or when you discuss leaving the relationship?

Yes No

Does your partner threaten to call the police and lie to them if you don’t do what your partner wants you to do?

Yes No

Does your partner threaten your reputation if you don’t go along with what your partner wants you to do?

Yes No

Does your partner insist you join him or her in illegal activities that you do not want to be part of?

Yes No

Does your partner withhold money or affection, including sex, if you don’t comply with his or her controlling demands?

Yes No

Do you feel pressured to give up things you enjoyed before you had this relationship?

Yes No

Does your life feel smaller in this relationship than it did before you were in the relationship?

Yes No

Has your partner threatened to abduct your children if you do not comply with your partner’s demands?

Yes No

Has your partner stopped you from calling 911 for help or threatened you with retaliation if you called 911?

Yes No

Does your partner show up unexpectedly to check up on you?

For example, dropping by work when you are on your lunch break without notice.

Yes No

Does your partner do things to “teach you a lesson”?

Yes No

Does your partner try to make you responsible for how they act?

Yes No

Has your partner restrained you against your will, physically or with threats?

Yes No

Does your partner attempt to control who you remain in contact with from your past?

Yes No

Does your partner act as if he or she owns you?

Yes No

Does your partner treat you like a child instead of like an equal partner?

Yes No

Section 4 of 7

Physically Hurting or Threatening to Hurt You or Loved Ones

Does your partner threaten to hurt you?

Yes No

Does your partner threaten to hurt your children?

Yes No

Does your partner threaten to harm your pets?

Yes No

Does your partner threaten to harm your co-workers, friends, or extended family members?

Yes No

Does your partner hurt you physically, including hitting, beating, pushing, shoving, punching, slapping, kicking, or biting you?

Yes No

Does your partner use or threaten to use a weapon to harm you or your loved ones, including pets?

Yes No

Has your partner harmed a pet?

Yes No

Does your partner have a gun, or can your partner get one easily?

Yes No

Does your partner ever say, “If I can’t have you, then no one can”?

Yes No

Does your partner ever say they couldn’t live without you?

Yes No

Has your partner ever choked you?

Yes No

Has your partner threatened to destroy things you care about?

Yes No

Has your partner destroyed things that belong to you?

Yes No

Has your partner put a fist through a door or wall?

Yes No

Has your partner ever used a weapon against you or threatened you with a weapon?

Yes No

Has he or she ever threatened to kill you or your children?

Yes No

Has your partner ever talked about getting revenge against someone and using lethal force (killing them) as something he or she wants to do?

Yes No

Section 5 of 7

Forcing You to Have Sex or Other Intimate Activities

Has your partner forced you to have sex when you didn’t want to, with physical force or by threatening you if you do not have sex?

Yes No

Has your partner assumed that because you did something in the past, they can expect or demand you do it again even if you do not want to?

Yes No

Does your partner become angry if you refuse sex after being willing to kiss and cuddle?

Yes No

Has your partner forced you to have sex with other people by threatening you or your loved ones?

Yes No

Has your partner demanded that you or a female child undergo female genital cutting or mutilation?

Yes No

Section 6 of 7

How Does the Relationship Make You Feel?

Do you feel relieved when you are going to be away from your partner for a while?

Yes No

Do you feel relieved when someone who positively buffers your relationship visits?

Yes No

Do you dread going home after school or work?

Yes No

Do you have more good times than bad times when you are with your partner?

Yes No

Are you afraid of your partner?

Yes No

Do you feel you can be yourself when you are with your partner, or do you have to pretend to be who your partner wants you to be?

Yes No

Can you safely be honest with your partner about how you feel and what you want?

Yes No

Do you feel foolish to find yourself in an uncomfortable relationship?

Yes No

Has your partner’s behavior changed significantly from the way it was in the beginning of the relationship?

Yes No

Are you embarrassed about being tricked into a relationship that isn’t good for you?

Yes No

Does your partner blame you for negative changes in their personality or behavior?

Yes No

Do you feel unwanted?

Yes No

Do you feel powerless or hopeless?

Yes No

Does your partner use drugs or alcohol as an excuse for his or her behavior?

Yes No

Do you feel you have to apologize or make excuses to other people about your partner’s rude behavior?

Yes No

Are you continually afraid of upsetting your partner?

Yes No

Do you feel ashamed of your situation?

Yes No

Do you feel guilty about not seeing the warning signs of an abuser before it was too late?

Yes No

Do you feel used?

Yes No

Do you feel your partner manipulates you or attempts to manipulate you?

Yes No

Do you feel free to be yourself?

Yes No

Has your partner’s treatment of you made you feel less competent to make decisions, or in areas of your life where you used to feel confident?

Yes No

Have you changed your behavior because you are afraid of upsetting your partner?

Yes No

Have you become more aggressive toward your partner’s demands?

Yes No

Do you think your partner might try to kill you?

Yes No

Have you become passive or submissive to your partner?

Yes No

Do you stay with your partner because you are afraid of what your partner might do if you end the relationship?

Yes No

Has your partner made you believe that their behavior will be good when you change the things about yourself that your partner wants you to change?

Yes No

Has your partner abandoned you without a way home after you had a fight?

Yes No

Has your partner abandoned you in an environment where a reasonable person would be concerned about your ability to get home safely?

Yes No

Does your partner deny that something you remember ever happened?

Yes No

Does your partner tell you that you aren’t good at remembering?

Yes No

Did your partner grow up in an abusive home?

Yes No

Does your partner tell you that you’re crazy?

Yes No

Is your partner’s recall of events different from your own in significant ways?

Yes No

Section 7 of 7

A Few Final Questions

Have you left your partner or separated after living together or being married?

Yes No

Is your partner unemployed?

Yes No

Has your partner ever tried to kill himself or herself?

Yes No

Do you have a child or children with your partner?

Yes No

Do you have a child that your partner knows is not his or her child?

Yes No

Has your partner been physical toward the child(ren) in a way that concerns you?

Yes No

Does your partner have an alcohol or substance abuse problem?

Yes No

Is there anything else that worries you about your safety?

Yes No

You can skip a question, unanswered questions are not counted either way.

National Domestic Violence Hotline
Call 1-800-799-7233 · Text START to 88788 · thehotline.org (free, confidential, 24/7)

Regardless of your results, trust your instincts. If you feel you are in danger, make a plan to protect yourself as soon as you safely can, a hotline advocate can help you think through what that looks like.

For context: your weighted score was (the highest possible is 425). This number is a rough indicator, not a diagnosis.

Understanding Your Results

How the Scoring Works

This quiz weighs each question by how serious that behavior typically is, from mild disrespect to life-threatening violence, and adds up your answers into an overall picture. A handful of questions (like “do you feel free to be yourself?”) are asked in the positive, so answering them in the unhealthy direction counts the same way as a “yes” would elsewhere. Four questions, about weapons, choking, death threats, and fearing your partner might kill you, are treated as immediate high-risk flags on their own, regardless of anything else, because research consistently links them to the greatest danger of serious harm.

No quiz can diagnose your relationship or predict what will happen. Whatever your results say, trust your own instincts. If you feel unsafe, that feeling matters more than any score.

Common Questions

Frequently Asked Questions

Is this quiz a diagnosis or legal assessment?

No. It’s an educational screening tool to help you recognize patterns of abuse. It cannot replace an evaluation by a domestic violence advocate, counselor, or attorney who knows the details of your situation.

Is my information saved when I take this quiz?

No. This quiz runs entirely in your browser. Your answers are not transmitted, stored, or seen by our firm or anyone else.

What should I do after taking the quiz?

If anything in your results concerns you, consider talking to a domestic violence hotline advocate, a counselor, or a family law attorney about your options. If you believe you’re in danger, prioritize your safety first, a safety plan and support from professionals who work with survivors every day can help.

You Don’t Have to Face This Alone

If you’re dealing with domestic violence or abuse, we can talk through your legal options confidentially, including protective orders and custody protections for your children.

Schedule a Consultation

Domestic Violence Abuse Quiz

Domestic Violence & Abuse Quiz

Why This Quiz Exists

Disrespectful of Your Intelligence, Appearance, or Activities

Is Your Partner Controlling?

Jealous, Controlling, or Angry Behavior

Physically Hurting or Threatening to Hurt You or Loved Ones

Forcing You to Have Sex or Other Intimate Activities

How Does the Relationship Make You Feel?

A Few Final Questions

How the Scoring Works

Frequently Asked Questions

Related Topics

You Don’t Have to Face This Alone

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